{"product_id":"cotton-canvas-tote-bag","title":"Crumby Island Incident Report Tote","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 1rem;\"\u003eCrumby Island Incident Report Tote\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOfficial Form 89-CAPA-MW\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEvery tote comes pre-approved by absolutely nobody.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eRecovered from the archives of the Crumby Island Civic Authority, this field-issued Incident Report documents one of the island’s many spiritually active municipal emergencies. Featuring official CAPA classifications, unauthorized microwave activity, ceremonial raccoons, unwanted revelations, and a Shithawk review stamp, this tote serves as both a practical carry-all and a legally questionable government record.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for groceries, ferry lineups, sacred offerings, or transporting evidence adjacent goods.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFeatures:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDurable cotton canvas construction\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDouble-sided Crumby Island artwork\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOfficially reviewed by Shithawk\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSpiritually active\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eGreasy threat level certified\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eInvestigation still ongoing\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCrumby Island Civic Authority Disclaimer:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIf you can read this tote, you are now part of the investigation.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“Serving the public despite overwhelming evidence.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e 🍟📋🦝📼\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Natural \/ 15\" x 16\"","offer_id":54513584537905,"sku":"32561484387049473390","price":15.99,"currency_code":"CAD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0993\/3688\/0433\/files\/3542185985378472871_2048.jpg?v=1781236834","url":"https:\/\/crumbyislandsurplus.lol\/products\/cotton-canvas-tote-bag","provider":"Crumby Island Surplus ","version":"1.0","type":"link"}